the 4am jitters

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It’s 4am.

I should be fast asleep. But I’m wide awake. Both boys are in bed. Joe is blissfully snoring. Not too loud (thank you Jesus!), & Oliver is doing is normal toss and turn. And the painful, pitiful, whimper that just breaks my heart.

At 7am we check-in for Oli’s surgery. Which begins at 8am. If all goes well, we should be able to leave & be home before 10am. And on the beautiful road to recovery!

Oliver has been dealing with chronic ear infections for the last 11 months. Maybe longer. The earliest ear infection I can remember was at 6 months old, but to be honest, he’s had so many, we’ve lost count. I know that they seemed to hit every 4-6 weeks. Or at least they would get bad enough to the point where we had to take him in every 4-6 weeks. We have become well known & loved at the doctors office 🙂

I may not remember the number of ear infections Oliver has had, but I know that the last 6 weeks have been the hardest, roughest & most miserable ones for our little guy. I’m sure that you (yes, you the reader, reading this post right now) have experienced an ear infection or earache at one point in your life. Over the course of the last 6 weeks, Oli has had a persistent, stubborn, painful, double ear infection. He walks around rubbing his ears, yanking his ears, or rubbing his neck right below his ears. He’s a bit off balance. His appetite is gone. He wakes up every 90 minutes or so crying and holding his ears — the cold night air makes ear infections worse. He’s been grumpy (I totally get grumpy when I have a little headache, so he gets a free pass for 6 weeks of ear pain). And I wish I could say we just give him baby tylenol or ibuprofen for the pain, but because of all the antibiotics recently, he’s doing the “if you try & bring that dropper/syringe full of grape goo towards me I’ll grab it and run!” thing, or (my personal favorite) the “if you put it in my mouth I’ll spit it out, & continue to spit for 90 seconds because I’m a toddler” thing. Needless to say, we’ve been doing what we can to help our guy out. He takes Pediasure well, & we are able to mix some tylenol in that or his almond milk. He loves, loves, LOVES, being rubbed down with essential oils! I’ll use some lavender around his ears to help soothe those on really rough days. We play hard when he’s up & playful, and we rest when he needs it.

At 7am this morning, we check in for what will hopefully be the light at the end of the ear infection tunnel. 8am is surgery time. Which is why I’m up at 4am, anxious, nervous, & not sleeping. I know that this will be the quickest procedure, & that Oliver is in awesome hands. I know how he is being put to sleep, what he’ll be wearing while in surgery, what time we should be ready to go home. What makes me so nervous is that I won’t be able to be there. Physically be there. With all this anxiety, I’m reminded of this passage from Philippians.

{Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
 — Philippians 4:6}

Thankfully, even though I can’t physically be in the surgical suite with Oliver, I know that Jesus will be. That soothes my anxious heart better than a tub of ice cream soothes a break up 😉

I’m off to try and get a catnap before our big day. Say a prayer for us friends!

BS1

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