33 weeks! The golden week of the 3rd trimester. Thats a dorian fruit over there. Anyone know what that is?
I realize its been a while since I’ve done a post! A lot has been going on! I had my baby shower and Oliver & I were just showered with love. I moved back home to my apartment, which is now filled to the brim with things for Oliver — and we still have a ton more we need to purchase! My wonderful, amazing, husband returned home to me! And he and I have been on the go ever since. Yesterday, we celebrated my 29th birthday! And today, we’re doing maternity pictures. We finally get a small breather on Thursday, and we may use that to escape to Tahoe. But who knows if that’ll happen. We’re taking things a day at a time.
The things I’m going to write about today aren’t my normal pregnancy update post type things. Instead, I’m going to share with you some things I have learned so far in my 33 weeks of pregnancy. Do’s & Don’t’s if you will. Nearing the end of this journey has made me realize a lot of things, and has made me feel a lot of things. So, I will share since that’s what this blog is all about.
1. Are you really sure you want to ask that woman she is pregnant?
I got my first “Are you pregnant?” question when I was 14 weeks along. 14 weeks. For those that don’t remember what I looked like around 14 weeks, take a look:
This is me at something like 13 weeks and 5 days. My boobs are huge, and I’m bloated, but honestly, if I saw a woman like this, I’d never think to ask if she was pregnant! The lady who asked me was just rude. I believe her exact comment was “Umm… do you have, a, umm, baby in there? Because you really shouldn’t have any kind of pooch…”. Yeah, thanks lady. Way to start off the last 2/3rds of my pregnancy with a bad self image.
I continually get this question, although now, its more of a “When are you due?” as opposed to wanting to know if I’m with child. Back to the original topic, are you sure you really want to ask that question?
2. Asking when she’s due? Proceed with caution
Yes, its exciting to know a new little one is coming into the world! When you ask a pregnant woman when her due date is, always respond with a positive facial expression and comment. Don’t tell her she looks big. Don’t tell her she looks like she’s ready to pop. Don’t tell her that she already looks full term when she still has weeks to go. Be smart. Tell her she looks amazing.
3. Use only positive phrases when talking to a prego
Here are a few phrases and questions that should be avoided at all costs, and my reasoning for why I think so:
“Well, you’re big. Not BIG big, just big.”
I actually had a complete stranger ask me when I was due, and when I told her I was 8 months along, and due at the very beginning of November, this was her response. I’ve also had others tell me that I look “big”. Ok, I get it. I’m a little person, I have a small frame… any weight loss or gain is pretty obvious. Not to mention that I don’t have room to grow “up”, so I grow “out”. But regardless, telling a prego that she looks big will get you in trouble 97% of the time. I think its safe to say that its never appropriate.
“You do look like you could be pregnant with twins.”
Maybe she is pregnant with twins, or even triplets! However, never ever assume! Its just not ok. I think I’ve been told at least 5 times this pregnancy that I should be carrying twins because I’m so big. Let the prego volunteer the information that she is having multiples, don’t just assume it.
“Well…. you are pregnant…”
This is probably my least favorite thing to hear. Yes, I am pregnant. Thank you for pointing out the very obvious. Do you want a gold star? Just because I’m pregnant does not mean that I am emotionally stable enough to handle all the changes being thrown at me at once. Did I just complain about feeling large? “Well, you’re pregnant” is not an appropriate response. Did I say that my back is killing me? Or that I hate being hungry all the time? Again, “you’re pregnant” is not an ok response. I think the only people I’m ever ok hearing this phrase from are my OB and her medical assistant. We talk about my weight gain, and they gently remind me that I have another human being inside of me, and its actually ok that I’m gaining because I’m pregnant. So, if you ever find the urge to tell a pregnant woman that she’s pregnant, I’d fight that urge. The next person who says that to me may get a good smack across the face. Sorry, its the hormones… I am pregnant…
“How much bigger do you think you can get?”
How is this appropriate? Ever? We aren’t in competition with other pregos. Most of us dread thinking about how much bigger we’ll get. If the prego brings this up herself, then its ok to discuss. In fact, the other night I was talking about this with my in-laws. They sweetly told me I looked so little still, and made me feel so much better about myself. So I told them my predictions about where I thought my belly would end up by 38-39 weeks.
“How does that make you feel?”
So this one is a little iffy. But, if I’m talking about something that obviously makes me feel not good, then why in the world would you ask this question? If I make a statement that I’m feeling large and fat, and I’m not looking forward to a dinner out, or being around certain people, or being in a certain situation… then use your intuition and decipher how I’m feeling from that. No need to psycho-analyze me.
“I don’t think you’re that large.”
Oh, really? So, tell me please…. how large do you think I am?
These are all examples of things a pregnant woman will not appreciate hearing. Our bodies are going thru major changes. There are the prego’s out there who can embrace this change and love it. Others, like me, absolutely hate it. I want my body back, and right now its being held hostage. If we want to whine about how much we hate this change, LET US! If we look like a beached whale, lie to us! Seriously… help get us thru these 40 weeks still emotionally intact. Don’t contribute to our breakdowns.
4. Don’t be THAT person… RSVP
… and stick with it. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people RSVP yes for something, and then they pull a no-show. I understand of something comes up. I’m not an unreasonable person. But, if you can’t make it after saying “Yes!”, then at least shoot a text message to the host (or me) and let me know! Its very difficult to properly plan for an event (party, shower, wedding, ect…) when people don’t RSVP or pull no-call no-shows. Also, don’t just assume that we know you’ll be there. I don’t know about you, but I’m not a mind reader, and I cannot predict the future. So don’t assume, just tell. Besides, you know what they say what assuming makes us…
I’ve debated putting this one on here. So, let me preface this:
Joe, Oliver and I are so beyond grateful for all the gifts we have received! Everything we have will be put to use! I can’t wait to take pictures of Oli using everything he was given! 🙂
Ok. So the reason this is a topic is because I have found that registries are a hit or miss. Joe and I have done registries for both our wedding and this baby shower, and neither time they were utilized. Luckily, for the wedding, we didn’t really need anything. I’ve been out on my own since I was 18. I had everything we needed to furnish a two bedroom apartment. Our wedding registry was more about wants. But, this is my first pregnancy and our first child. We aren’t anywhere near prepared for that.
When planning to attend a big event or party (like a wedding or shower), take into consideration the registry. Yes, its awesome to be that person that gets the unique gift that isn’t on the registry. But remember that the registry is both for wants and needs. So, go ahead! Pick up that adorable outfit or pacifier, but add that pack of bottles thats on the registry while you’re at it 😉 Mama-to-be will greatly appreciate it 🙂
6. Wait until advice/opinion is asked for
If you’re anything like me, you want to share your insights and wisdom. You’ve been there and done that! You’re the expert, right? Right! But, we’re all humans, and we all like to try things for ourselves. So while you maybe a breast feeding pro, or a parenting genius, wait for mama-to-be to ask you for your wonderful insight. I promise you, it’ll be much better received that way.
This is good to remember for both pregos and non-pregos…. In this world we live in, there has been a huge shift lately and certain topics are now very controversial. I personally respect everyone’s opinions, and know that they will do what they think is best for their child. However, you will run into people who are overly passionate about certain subjects and who won’t accept your differing opinion. If you’re a hot headed person, try and avoid these people if you can!
Some controversial subjects these days: breast feeding vs formula feeding — which includes breast vs pumping as well, circumcision, natural birth vs pain meds, and vaccines. If you know where you stand, then stand your ground. If you’re unsure, do your research! I have seen many ugly debates on these topics. It honestly baffles me that some people can’t respect others decisions and opinions…
That’s all I have as far as the things I’ve learned! Oliver is a growing boy! As you can see, he enjoys hanging out on my right side. Joe and I like to think that he’s trying to stand up inside of me! This week, he keeps his eyes open when he’s awake! His bones are hardening, which is just a nice way of reminding me that they’ll be hard enough for him to break in a few years. Lets face it, he has me and Joe for parents — I expect at least 4 broken bones before he’s 18. I think my grand total is something like 15! I’m a klutz 😉 He is also going thru some more major brain developments. So not only do I expect broken bones, but I expect him to complete medical school as well. Ok, ok, I kid… but I do know that he’ll be a little genius.
Joe is back! Here you can see my mountain man fresh off the plane from Alaska. He threatened to come home with a worse beard than this, so I suppose I’m lucky. I almost didn’t recognize him though… he’s not a hat wearer, and that shirt you see? Umm, yeah… he definitely didn’t take that up there with him. The only reason I knew it was my husband was because of this awful “backpack” we bought him before he left. Its black, and red, and camo. Its something I’d expect a 10 year old to be super stoked on. Not my grown-up husband. I suppose some men are like big kids though!
Joe and I have made the rounds, and seen just about everyone that’s missed him since May. I’ve eaten out more times than I care to, and I’m sure I’ve probably put on an extra 10lbs since Wednesday. But, its been nice seeing how happy Joe is! And how excited everyone is now that he’s home. I really do have an amazing man for a husband 🙂
As for me? Well… I am officially 29! And for the next 3 months, all I’ll hear is that I’ve magically become 7 years older than Joe, not 6. He likes to rub that in… silly Joe. I know, I am a cougar! But, since he’s “7 years younger” than me, he can get up at 3am and take care of Oliver. You know those youngins… they have energy for days! Haha! 😉 As you can see, we had a couple party animals crash my family dinner last night! I think they were hoping for some cake. They got hats instead.
Health wise, my nausea is still here, but not as bad! And my asthma is still really bad. We’re working on getting that under control. Lots of contractions lately. I thought I was going to have to spend the evening in L&D last night, but apparently contractions every 10-15 minutes while 33 weeks pregnant is normal. Who knew?
My tips for pregos this week? Let others help! Not only am I not allowed to over exert myself because of my asthma, but now I’m not allowed to do anything because I start contracting. Its difficult letting others do everything for me, and I still try and help when I can. But, in a few weeks, life will be back to normal and I’ll miss these days.
Also, drink lots of water! And snack healthy. I have a giant bag of frozen fruit in my freezer. I love eating a big bowl of it sprinkled with Splenda! I know, artificial sweeteners are bad for you. But, I’m not a big fan of adding sugar to things, and I can only do stevia in moderation — so I tend to stay away from it. Its in my Shakeology, and I can handle that! So thats the only place I have it 🙂
Love to you all!